I have returned to the farm – at first not by choice – but now I’m embracing the life! I swore I would never come back to the old homestead and I probably wouldn’t have if not for some drastic and tragic life circumstances. We’ve experienced horrific loss and it has effectively changed the way we look at and live our lives. It is amazing how priorities change after loss.
I became pregnant a tad later in life (35) and at 20 weeks we discovered our little boy had less than a 50% chance at life. He was diagnosed with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia which simply means he was missing most of his diaphragm and his internal organs were all over the place. As a result, his lung development was extremely premature. He made it full term and I delivered an 8lb 6oz, 21 1/2″ long beautiful baby boy – and we never heard him cry. He survived several major surgeries and 40 days in NICU at Mass General in Boston but then succumbed to an infection in his breathing tube.
We had just begun exploring a relationship with God at this point in our lives and were not firm in our belief yet. This loss threatened to sever the fragile threads we were weaving. We did everything wrong. Praying without any real belief that God would answer us, bargaining with Him and then losing ourselves in material escapes. We lost O in June of 2005 and in November discovered I was pregnant again. We decided to embrace this pregnancy as a gift and at that point, not even realizing the significance, we started weaving the threads again.
In July 2006, I delivered a healthy, beautiful 11 lb 2oz baby boy (yes, he was HUGE!) and I held my breath for the first minutes waiting to hear his little voice…it was the most amazing sound I have ever heard in my life. So began our journey.
We have suffered other losses, our home in February 2007, bankruptcy at the same time, and the humiliation of having to move into my childhood home with my father. We went from material independence to scraping by paycheck to paycheck. You know the surprising thing? Our lives are the better for it. God sometimes uses drastic measures to get our attention. Look at the example of Job! We had a choice to make…choose to trust God or choose to walk away. After everything we’ve been through, I refuse to believe in a world without hope. So I choose God – despite the tragic circumstances. I will never understand His ways and I may not always like them but I am choosing to trust in Him who loves me no matter what. The One who understands my suffering and brokenness and will use me to do His will. I know now that I will see my son again. He is whole and in the arms of his Savior and mine, Jesus Christ.
So for now, we are enjoying the farm fresh life – complete with many beloved chickens and five acres of farmland and gardens. I love knowing the food we are eating is the food we have raised and harvested by our own hands.
I love to cook, bake, knit and crochet, paint, draw, craft, and do lots of reading. For the last five years I’ve worked part time making custom cakes and cupcakes. Now I’m back to work full time as an Ed Tech working with special needs kids! It’s amazing the paths in life we take!
Our family is less focused on the material and more focused on what we can do to be the hands and feet of Christ. It’s certainly not easy, we struggle all the time with making the right decisions, but I believe we’re heading in the right direction. I hope you enjoy the tales of our daily life!